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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Love: My Definition is This

I feel single again. I have been single for a year and a bit, but now I feel it. My emotional torture is starting to turn into the mating calls of a marmot. Bark... bark bark!

The garden of faded and fresh scars of past relationships haunt me like a distant group of men telling me how uninteresting I am, and another group telling me how overly interesting I am. They all contradict each other. Stalkers, humble admirers, likers, haters, detestors.. I tend to strike up passion one way or another.. which is flattering.

Recently my heart was in a loop, a loop fed by history, misunderstanding, and illusory tickle. It's hard for people to tell me "hard" things, as they're worried about my health. I get that, I respect that. Now things are all sorted out and I have traveled through my anger, sadness, more anger, more sadness, and have let the chitin on my heart shed to reveal a shinier and more hopeful muscle. I feel like my heart is like an insect, each time it learns a lesson it goes through a difficult molting of its exoskeleton and grows bigger - stronger, and beats more fervently.

Single is not bad. Don't get me wrong. I like not having to wait for people to phone me, waiting for them to open up, or knowing that they're not really in it for the right reasons.. I hate having to face up to having to break off a relationship, or having someone break up with me.. there's never a good way. Someone's going to get hurt. If you're hunting for a relationship, be prepared for the tiger to attack you. Very rarely will you find Amoris Domesticus (that is HORRIBLE Latin but I'm not serious enough to pull out my dictionary), maybe half domesticated.. but it'll still have teeth.

Wait, before you start hearing the bishop from the Princess Bride "wove, twooo wove.." - I want to give you my tastes on love... I'm not into 24 hour candy love. Not that sweet love isn't great, I love that, snuggles and giggles and wide smiles all day.. but it's not my full definition. Not by far. There are a few kinds of love in the Book of Em. Most love types cannot be tolerated in great amounts.. with the exception of a couple.

(Disclaimer: this is MY definition, I'm not thinking this is be all and end all, but I'd like your comments.. I miss your comments.. hehe)

Rainbow of Love

Gossipy love: Love where you just can't wait to share gossip with your mate. You want to laugh with them about all the silly things, places, and people you experience during your day, and life, and hear about their silly encounters. You make fun of stupidity in all its forms. You're partners in sharing light hearted anecdotes, secrets, and more. By the way, I'm a big believer in gossip... We're social animals, and gossip is a way to share your morals, beliefs, and "rules." For example, sometimes you gossip about someone doing something illegal: you are testing the person you are telling this illegality to, to see where their own personal boundaries lay. I do the same with "scenario" questions... that's another post all together. Back to the matter at hand.

Sweet love: being lovey-dovey, holding hands, writing cute cards, sharing a cute private language, pet names, buying stuffed animals, all that jazz. That Splenda Candyland that makes the heart blow up like a hot air balloon and float around cloud nine. I love this kind of love. It's puppy love.. innocent, darling.

Fiery Love: this is the passionate "I need to be touching you now" kind of love. The magnetic and unstoppable force that rides the emotion to its highest peaks. Ferocious, sweaty.. it can be heaven to be with them, hell to be without them. This manic depressive state is certainly the most fun I've ever had.. even if it is rare and very brief with most people. I love the need, the gotta have it.. it distracts from pain, gives hope, and more purpose in existing. This is more sexuality than anything, chemistry I think.

Powerful Unspoken Love: this is the protective and invincible love, the rarest gem. This is complete trust (rare for me), no doubt that you'll ever part, that kind of love that would make you die for someone. Forever, loyal, faithful, and sure.

Dark Love: this shares a little bit with the last paragraph, but it goes further. This is the partners in crime, the killer instinct in love, the destructive. The primal violent hatred that springs forth from someone trying to get between you. This is the love that goes to far, that pushes you into another world. The love that makes you die once you've lost it, makes you a zombie. The kind that weighs your heart down with the lead of immortal attraction. Soul Mates, true Soul Mates - once you discover eachother, there are no other human beings on the planet. It's called dark for a reason though.. as if only one of the two has it, it turns into stalking, suicide, or worse. Ideally, both people have it, and everything's good. Too good ;)

Constructive Love: what i mean by this is a partnership love that makes you want to build a life together- get a home, have kids or pets or both, get married, do some home projects, go on holiday together.. The feeling of accomplishment, ambition, "future planning". "When we get our own place, we'll get a dog and a cat, we'll paint the walls all different colours, then we'll get married on a cool May morning."

Escapist Love: this is where you spend time in a fantasy land. Role playing, what-ifs, vacations in a faraway or secluded place, forgetting the real world and making up your own reality. This is a love best served sparsely, in my opinion.

Calm Relaxing Love: when being together makes everything okay, calm, relaxing. You lay in bed all day and smile once in a while. It's very natural, very right. You breathe better, you think more clearly, and you're less selfish, less worried.. you know. Quiet. Peaceful. Like a day at the beach on a lovely day: unless there are man eating sharks that have legs, feet, and amphibious lungs. Or jellyfish stings.

Silly Love: you clown around all the time, belly laughs, your focus is to make your partner laugh as much and as fervently as can be. You take nothing seriously and shrug off anything that tries to be serious.

Have I forgotten one?? I might add to it if I find something else.

My point is that a right mixture of these is what I see as a Perfect Love. Some more than others. Like you're making a really complex meal.. you don't want too much salt, too much hot pepper, too much sugar, too much water, too much flour, too much wine.. you want it to taste good, not over or underwhelming. I think what kinds and ratios also depend on the person, situation, time, and you of course.

If you're in a relationship, what mix of these do you have? What would you like to have? What did you have before that vanished? What has grown? It's interesting to track the progression of a relationship... it's like it never stops changing.

If you're single, what do you want? What mix is your perfect mix? I'm asking myself that. What mix was your perfect past relationship?

What other kinds are there? Please let me know so I can add.. I am such a collector. Nothing better than collecting information.

Now I'm sick of talking about love. The word is like eating rock candy - too much and your tongue gets all sore and cut up. Plus the longer the post, the shorter my attention span. There are a multitude of other things I want to explore.. But I have emails to respond to. You be good, and FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ;)

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