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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

S T R E S S ? What the f*ck is that?

If you want people to leave you alone, tell them you're lonely.

I, as it happens, am starting to feel something akin to loneliness, and now that loneliness is becoming resentment and silly sardony. I don't hate anyone for clearing the area around me, I understand it, but I personally am the kind of person that mother-hens people to death.. whenever anyone is sick, I'm there like a sticky nurse. Well if it's serious. I research their drugs, the conditions, and try to help. Not everyone likes this of course. When people can be helped by me, I help.. it's not just a self-less thing, it's actually a control thing.. I want to make everyone feel good because I can't feel good. Well, not without drugs.. or.. well, the sweet kisses of a lover. I am single... for now. I've never been single for too long, I think Nature takes pity on my lack of physical pleasure.

Speaking of drugs, I am getting off the painkillers slowly again. Slowly as hell, since cold turkey is just retarded when you have fibro.. makes you worse (i've done it a couple times). Although I must say it's an Everest to quit the only thing you have that gives you physical pleasure (massages even hurt, but they help ease tense muscles). Food does it too, but I'm on a diet. Always with the diets. Anyways, it's hard. Why am I doing it? I am never going to be cured of this, unless science strikes a deal with the Ferengi-minded pharmaceutical companies to let a cure come out.. So why delay myself getting used to the fact that I am going to feel agonizing pain for all my life? These painkillers make me stoned, sleepier, and not to mention eat away my brain and what else do I have but my brain at this point?

Whatever.. I just can't afford to be alone. People frustrate the hell out of me.

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