Against Many Odds

"If it is once again one against forty-eight, then I am very sorry for the forty-eight." Margaret Thatcher (a favorite lady of mine)

I'd say against all odds, but I'm trying to be reasonable - and all or nothing phrases often are unreasonable. Often but not always. Anyway, pretty much all my pills have a warning upon their little while label which pisses me off on some level:

"May cause severe weight gain."

Well duh. You could have told me that, as I struggle to stay at a reasonable weight. I'm trying harder and harder, and hopefully I'll get on a decent plateau of good behavior in order to reach my ideal weight: 176. Why 176? Well I visited this site that calculates your healthy weight according to your height, age, and sex, and it gave my BMI weight as well. The BMI is insane. Apparently Brad Pitt is obese according to traditional BMI. Ridiculous. 176. Good number. Hard when you're on 7 different pills with 7 "Severe" weight gain side effect. Frustrating to say the least. I'm lucky I'm not 300 lbs.. which is my phobic weight... I fear it more than any other phobia I have.. although I trust in myself that I will not get there, I'm just too stubborn for that.

Which is not to say that is a gross weight at all. But it is a bad weight for someone 5"8 with an illness that causes intense weakness, muscle fatigue, and sleepiness. It's hard to climb the stairs when you carry that much weight.

I'm all for big people. I like the way we look. I like the comfortable feeling of laying around on someone without feeling mostly bones. But my ideal weight is 176, and that would put me again into wearing non-plus clothing - medium/large. Weird. I have to upload this photo of me when I was skinny.. it's too funny. I have it on my magnetic board to remind me that it's possible.

So against many odds, I'm increasing my efforts to lose weight. Through the pain, I see that it's important. 176!!


The image was created by me in Terragen, copyright 2006 Emilie L. I call it "The Peaks of Imagination".