Gordie Update

So my little cloud lamb is settling in well enough. I am pooped and having a massive fibro flare up.. but I am so in love with him. He likes to bite me lots, but I'm teaching him not to do so. I'm also teaching him "Drop it" "Sit" "Stay" "Find it" and of course the basics like housetraining and crate training. I haven't been all that successful in crate training.. My folks are doing a lot of it tho.. it's mainly my Dad's dog, but I am the secondary owner. I hate saying owner next to a dog. . . it's not something you really own, but someone you bring into your pack.

I was totally not prepared for how much work this was going to be, and how painful. I also didn't count on having this huge flare up. I almost went to the hospital today to get knocked out with some more serious painkillers.. the ones that come in liquid form. Always better than the ones that take a pit stop in your stomach. I also have a kickass liver that tends to filter most things out. Not that I'm complaining.. lol. If I had to make this decision over again (endorsing the puppy buying) I would have waited until my symptoms were more under control. As it is now, I play and feed and train and all that a doggy mommy should do, but I can foresee a week from now being bed-ridden Em if I'm not careful.

Luckily, I have Moo-Gurt on my side (See above photo). This means less bites to the hands and arms. Thank goodness and my Mom for it! My Mom sewed on an extra arm-protecting faux lamb "fur" (?) onto it and I now have less trauma! He's so cute, he'll do this thing where he runs around the house like a grey hound after a fake bunny. We laugh heartily.

Alright, I am pooped and need to sleep. More to come :)

Prince Gordon the Cloud Lamb - Day 1 complete!

So we've had Gordie for a day now, and last night was certainly a learning experience. He is SO active at night!! I got bitten by many a mosquito taking him out to the bathroom. But he's so sweet, I can't even get frustrated at his not wanting to sleep. Of course it was his first night, and I didn't want him to get too stressed, so I spent a lot of time with him. Tonight we're going to keep him in his lovely and spacious crate... I will try NOT to listen, my folks are going to keep an ear out, as I have the softest heart I know.

When we used to babysit my eldest nephew regularly, any cries he'd make would strike me in the heart and I'd start getting teary.. yeah I know I'd be a bad Mom!!! I get upset when babies cry, and puppies are no exception. Of course, as I was taught back in the babysitting times, I have to think about what's best in the long run, and not so much in the short run. Short run - all I want to do is cuddle with Gordie, do whatever it takes to make that tail wag or see him sleep, but long run - that kind of babying will lead to a spoiled and overly attached doggie. I must get that through my emotional skull!!!!

It was beautiful this morning at 4:30am, the Sun was coming up and hitting the whispy clouds - lightening them up like neon signs too far away to read. Me and Gordie were outside, he was going to the bathroom and I was stopping him from getting into trouble, and it was a great moment.

Painwise I see a difference in having Gordon around. I have tons of pain from all the excitement - the 4 hours in the car, the weather, lifting Gord in his crate, frequent squats to get down to pick him up or pet him, laying on the floor.. etc: however, through all this pain, I am happier and more tolerant of the pain. I'm exhausted too.. I feel like my blood is as light as helium, running through my veins with chaotic undercurrents of sleep. It's too hot. I hate hot weather. I like it cool, not cold, but cool. Maybe even a little crisp.. just not jaw tremblingly cold.

Last note: I'm going to take a few posts off the blog.. so if you see things disappearing, it's all part of the plan.

GORDIE!!!!!

Meet Gordie, my family's new puppy! He's sweet beyond belief!

He's six weeks old (rounded down)

Loves to play, kiss me, follow me, and snuggle while we take a nap.. and I've only known him a day!! It was hard to pick him from his brothers and sister, as they were all super cute and playful.
So far I've cleaned up a few accidents, taken him outside and twisted my ankle on a squirell hole in the ground.. also spraining my wrist in the process of stopping my fall.. but I'm still very happy!!!! He's already showing how much he loves me with all his kisses.. especially his ear kisses!!

More to come :)

It puts the IM in Impersonal

I got rid of MSN Messenger and the Plenty of Fish profile (online dating site) in one shot.

Instant Messaging? Oxymoron wih most...

Instant messaging is a waste of time for me -maybe not for others, especially long dist relationships who can't afford the long dist phone costs. It's frustrating, time consuming, and it forms negative habits.. I can't tell what one really means without hearing a mood.. without seeing face or at least hearing breaks or peaks in the voice.. I get annoyed by sarcasm or just plain online rudeness. Faceless, great for creeps to hide behind. I get annoyed also at how I respond to these people.. and I hate waiting and waiting while someone takes their bloody time to reply to a simple sentence, so I get annoyed/frustrated with them easily. Why not just email me if I'm to wait so long? Am I supposed to just sit here and stare at this screen? I like multi-tasking, sure, but when I'm conversing with someone, I really like it to be a real-time conversation. Also, people can hide behind their messenger and lie their asses off, and there's no way to tell. My main beef with instant messages: impersonal interpersonal communication, lifeless and one dimensional. Like having sex through a sheet, or being blind and deaf when you're not (blind-and-deaf people must want to slap IM'rs and say "get off your ass and meet people in person"). If I am to talk to people, I want the whole real raw deal, where I have all my senses to take the experience in.

Why did I get rid of POF?

There were too many guys who were either rude, cruel, frustrating, and just not right for me. There were a lot of nice guys too, which I hope continue emailing me, but the negative experiences were just too much. Real life is just so much more visceral and exciting, and I'd prefer to talk in real time.. call me impatient, but I don't think human beings should wait 15 minutes to hear the answer to "what's up"?

I'm going to let nature take its course, put my trust in bigger forces.

Stalkers

I'm really not cool with stalkers, especially really fervent ones that keep on coming and coming year after year. It's sad, and makes me dislike and distance from the internet. Taking a break is hard.. online is like an addiction. It takes so much less energy than RL, and for someone who's chronically fatigued, that can really be attractive. Right now I'm trying to get healthier and try to escape the bonds of my illness, and sometimes the net is just what I need to escape for a few minutes.
Crazy people have access to the net, and this is the problem. It'd be nice if you'd have to have a license to log onto the internet, with demerit points for being an ass.

Anywho, that's my quicky of the day ;)

Clearing One's Head from Overload

We walk to clear our heads, exercise, sleep, eat, drink, whatever. There are so many ways to clean up the mess that can be the brain. Lately I've just been listening to a lot of music, exercising, and .. well, the pain ironically helps. Very distracting. Tends to put my focus back on what's really important.

I've also been getting away from too much online chat. Sometimes it can be fun. But I need a break from the internet sometimes. Computers. I love them, but sometimes they take up so much time.. so much time doing nothing at all. Just staring at a bright screen hurting eyes and hands and one's sense of reality.

Some online stuff is really worth time, like Cuteoverload (like Paxil without the side effects), or anything that makes you smile. Keeping in touch is good. Working is good.

I find that computers are a really great place to escape to when reality is just a little much. But then, if you go too far into the escape, you can forget yourself, lose yourself in the binary fantasy world. You become what you read, who you talk to, who you see yourself as in this fantasy. And then the real life people around wonder what the hell is going on.

As soon as I start seeing myself slip, I take a break from whatever is causing it, and then come back when I'm myself again. I'm too much of a sponge.. but at least I know when to wring myself out ;)

So if you're wondering why I'm gone.. I need to do some RL stuff.. Adventures if you will! Then I can write about more interesting stuff.

Pain

My pain keeps me up from sleeping. I see the clock tease me as it tells me it's 4:50. At least I slept a few hours.
My bones hold in them a near-breaking feeling, and my eyes are tearless from anger.
Of course this is my fault. I wanted to feel normal, I wanted to soak it up. I wanted to be a girl, but of course I put aside the consequences knowing full well what they could be. I'm making it sound dire.. how can it be dire if it happens so often?

I'm cool. Regrets of my normal neurosis wash over me as I try to regain some semblance of sleep.. why do I act the way I act sometimes? I am such an excitable person, I enjoy laughing at the conductor as I travel these rails..

Frustrating Echoes

Inside the golden flecks of my eyes, (pictured right without alteration or colour enhancing) the dancing jungle greens, and the rainbow rusty reds.. I glaze over for a moment and see the environment in slow motion. There's a distortion in the world, a certainty that these eyes will see more pain.. more sludge, more anger, more tears. Looks like I had blood tears in a halo around my pupil.
Of course they will see more of my nephews laughing, hugs from family members, tears of joy, kisses, romantic looks from across the room as a man takes an interest in the eyes. These moments created the gold and greens.
Not a depressing thought either way.. intensity is experience, right?

Bing Bong Brothers... on Repeat

I love this.. does it make me a bad person?

heheh

Summer Poem: Moment's Purpose

Summer hot and Summer furious,
Meandering far and deeply Curious,
I walk the paths so slowly searching,
While the watchful crow is perching,
Cannot miss a moment's purpose,
Cannot waste this beauty's surplus,
Pine and clover flower air,
Sunbeam here and Shadow there:
How painfully gorgeous this world.

(C)opyright 2006 Emilie L L. Picture and Text.

Dragonfly Haiku

Dainty Wings U n f u r l
Stained glass, Darkened window Pane
You'll die soon, not now.

-From my Flickr Collection, I was so inspired by the dragonfly shots. They are quite elegant to say the least. (c)opyright 2006 Emilie L L. Pic and Text.